Insight from a 4 year old - Written in 2003

I remember playing a game of Old Maid with a young child. She was 4 years old. Old Maid is a card game where whomever is stuck with the old maid at the end of the game is declared the loser. We sat down to play and immediately she sifted through the cards and plucked out the old maid. She placed this card gently next to her. I asked her why she removed the old maid. She said that because it was the loser’s card. I told her that I know this much is true but why did she remove it? She looked at me with a look of simplicity, tilted her head, and replied, “that way everyone wins”. I said maybe, but what is the point of playing the game? She said because it was fun and we can make up our own rules and as we play and no one is sad [be]cause they lost. So we made up our own rules as we went along. Each time we started a new games she put the old maid card back and I asked her why does she always put it back, she said because she likes to take it out every time to make sure we win. I noted her response.

How many times in our lives have we said, “I have to play with the cards I was dealt” or something along those lines? How many times have we allowed obstacles to remain, when it is a simple matter of removing rather than “over coming” them? Some obstacles remain because we allow them to remain. Yes, we all like a challenge, but at what cost? Life is not a game where you can completely and absolutely make your own rules, but how often do we allow the rules to make us?

This child first identified the obstacle that would keep her from winning. It seems as if she had a plan. Not only did she want to play, she wanted to win. The only thing standing in her way was that card. She knew that it was there and sought that card out to eliminate it as a factor for failure.

Next she simply removed it, but she kept it in sight. Sometime we identify an obstacle and instead of removing it, we try to move around it. It may be a simple matter of choice to remove an obstacle. It may be a simple matter of choice to avoid the creation of an obstacle. In either case we always attempt to develop a mitigation plan to avoid that obstacle instead of trying to eliminate its presence.

Removing obstacles may open the door to your success or success of many others. Which, in a sense, changes the rules. Once equipped with knowledge that comes from an education – be it street, formal, spiritual, etc. – you now have the ability to decide what to do when faced with various decisions and how to assess a situation. You can determine the rules that you need to abide by, or not, in order to accomplish your goal. It takes more effort to rectify a mistake than it does to put sound thought into a decision. It’s a matter of working smarter, not harder.

Step back and assess your situation. Do you have “old maids” in your life that can simply be removed or will you continue to play with the hand you are dealt?

Truth - The Most Stubborn Thing

Have you ever met someone who is/was so set in their ways, that no matter what evidence is presented before them, they refuse to budge on their position? Have you ever met someone who will not listen to the suggestion of compromise regardless of what you or any one else says? Frustrating isn’t it?

Truth is a lot like that person. It’s bottom line. It refuses to budge and cannot be compromised nor interpreted nor skewed to fit the situation. The truth is a stubborn thing. No matter how strong the effort, it will always prevail.

The realization that truth is absolute has not and probably never will have a consistent impact on many of us as we face decisions in today’s society. The truth is view as adaptive. Something that can be molded and shaped to fit snuggly into that place where there is no room from it. We skew the truth for convenience. Whether it’s to conveniently earn a better grade or promotion, to avoid “hurting” someone, or just because we are simply compelled to embellish a little, the truth is often put aside.

The truth never quits. The truth will always surface and come to the forefront. Often we may begin another line of untruths to salvage a shred of dignity when we are caught in a lie. The process repeats and ultimately that dignity is completely shredded.

“The truth shall set your free”, “You can’t hide from the truth”, “Truth hurts”, “You want the truth, well you can’t handle the truth”. These statements are popular clichés. They are often quoted as the bottom line, the last resort, the “when all else fails” mentality, or in an act of desperation. The truth is not a solution in the after math. It’s the entire equation. It is the ultimately solution period. Truth is a stubborn thing – it’s going to exist no matter how hard we try to ignore it or get rid of it.

The Beaver Community Comes Together

This will be the last Sister Girl session of the year. I am really looking forward to it and hope that every one will come out. I have a pledge that I plucked from the January Essence magazine that I'd like to share with them as we all agree to be accountable for each other's progress toward "completion".

I have no resolutions. I figured if there's something I want to do, I'll just do it, God willing. I just remembered that I wrote a letter to myself the 2nd night of basic training in 1997. I have to go find that letter. I can't remember exactly but I think I was to open it in 10 years or when I turn 30 to see if my life is where I imagined it to be. Ten years has passed so maybe that'll be something I do New Years eve after I pray and before I sleep in the New Year.

I have a list of 35 fun things to do before 35 that I revisit often. I think it's important to capture my goals in some way so that I can always revisit them to gauge how well I am progressing toward the achievement or scrap the whole idea. Change happens!

It's True

"Busy beavers are high achievers". I'll often say this to people whose lives are so busy that you have to get on their schedules to talk. A friend said this to me in jest and my response was "yeah but even they need some dam help". We shared a good laugh about it, but as I took stock of my life and the lives of those around me, I realized, it's true.

I am embarking on a journey that many have taken before me. Some have been successful and some have failed, only because they gave up, gave in, gave out, but they simply stopped giving it their all. I plan to learn from their experiences. I'll chronicle my journey in this blog.

I declare that I will not engage in a trivial pursuit. There are those who'll need to learn from the consequences of my decisions, so I'll avoid analysis para1yis and take some calculated risks.